“Meet The Marriage Killer” (WSJ 2012)
So, I need to make a confession… which has led me to write this Blog. We are snowed in today, as is much of the Midwest. My husband headed out early with his favorite toy, the snowblower, even as the snow continued to fall. READ MORE
Love and Sex at Midlife and Beyond
Cheese and Wine can get better with age… but love and sex???The principal author, Bernie Zilbergeld, of Sex and Love at Midlife: It’s Better Than Ever drew upon decades of clinical experience as a sex therapist and on interviews with 145 men and women ages 45-87. READ MORE
Kintsugi, or gold splicing, is a physical sign of resilience. This technique, developed in Japan during the 15th century, consists of repairing a broken object by accentuating its cracks with gold, instead of hiding them. READ MORE
New Year Resolution: FINDING BALANCE AND PERSPECTIVE
We can all agree that 2020 was a year of uncertainty, fear, stress, anxiety, frustration, sickness, loss, grief, discouragement, being overwhelmed, delayed dreams, isolation from family and friends… to name a few. Much of the time we might have felt as though we were moving through life as if we had no choices, no control, no purpose or freedom to pursue our highest values and priorities. READ MORE
The body of an adult human contains an incredible 100,000 km (60,000 miles) of blood vessels, and 13 billion nerve cells. READ MORE
ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?
During a seminar, a woman asked "How do I know if I am with the right person?" The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?” In all seriousness, she answered, "How do you know?" READ MORE
You are a sexual person from the day you are born until the day you die. So why is it such a delicate and embarrassing topic for married couples to discuss, not only with each other but with their counselor? It’s typically the elephant in the room, but often at the core of what brings them to my office... at all ages and stages of marriage... READ MORE
Pssst... For Husbands Only!
“Just tell me what to do,” seems to be a common sentiment of many husbands visiting my office. They seem to be at a loss as to how to make their wives happy, or more importantly, how to make them stop nagging. “I can’t seem to do anything right, so why try?” One client went so far as to say, “Isn’t there a list, a list that just tells guys what to do?” So here’s your list men... READ MORE
Pssst... For Wives Only!
“I am tired of always being the one who talks about the relationship, cares about it, and willing to try. Why is it always up to me? Doesn’t he have to do any work?” This comment by a frustrated client seems to be a theme in my practice lately. Women keep asking, “Why is it up to me to fix our relationship?” Several have said they are “done” and have just shut down....READ MORE
Does Money Buy Happiness?
In the past week, this topic has come up several times in different ways. I ran into a former client at a mall and she’s telling me about her divorce settlement. She got three of their five homes. Yet she feels extremely lonely and empty. Another client tells me that she believes only the wealthy are happy. They have struggled financially most of their marriage and she’s angry and bitter....READ MORE
Humor and Laughter
What is humor? One of Webster’s many definitions states, “the mental faculty of discovering, expressing, or appreciating the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous: the ability to be funny or to be amused by things that are funny.” More simply, the tendency for experiences to provoke laughter and provide amusement. It can be verbal, audial, visual or physical...READ MORE
POST TRAUMATIC GROWTH (PTG)
One of my favorite questions I ask my clients is, “What is the most difficult time or change you’ve been through…aside from the current issue… and what positive thing came from it?...READ MORE
Seasons of Change
It’s amazing how Mother Nature can change our outdoor environment in a week based on the season. Living here in the Midwest, we can go from cold wintery winds, dead looking trees and brown grass, to buds popping out on the tree branches, green grass, flowers, and chirping birds… not to mention the sounds of frogs mating in our pond. New life is everywhere.... READ MORE
Debate vs Relate
The other day my husband and I were in a “tiff”…each of us seeing a different perspective… each of us trying to convince the other that our perception was the correct one. Yes, even marriage therapists fall into this trap.... READ MORE
I Choose TO Love
There is a big difference between falling in love and staying in love. One takes a pulse and the other takes a commitment.
I can tell you that after being married 45 years, staying in love is not something that happens automatically, nor is it easy. Yet real love is the glue that holds a marriage together… a foundation built on rock and not sand... READ MORE
How Our Hormones Affect Us
Pam, 52, was diagnosed Bi-polar twenty years ago. She was on several medications including Lithium. Though she owned a successful business, she could no longer manage it and turned the reins over... READ MORE
I first heard about EFT (Tapping) when our daughter was going through cancer ten years ago. In those years, I have seen amazing self-healing happen, both personally and professionally, by merely tapping on certain meridian points... READ MORE
I AM Angry
A client has allowed me to share a letter she wrote to her husband after finding out he’d been having an affair. I AM angry... I’m angry that you had sex with her I’m angry that you got naked with her... READ MORE
Time For Change
Clients come to therapy in hopes of changing something about themselves, their spouse, boss, parents, kids, circumstances, etc. Most of the time it’s about changing someone other than themselves... READ MORE
Children Will Listen
Robert has a drinking problem to help him deal with stress. Sue is having an affair. Ken is addicted to porn. Becky has a body image and eating disorder. She’s addicted to her scale. Neil believed lying was in his DNA... READ MORE
Ask any women to describe a perfect husband and what do you think she describes?
Recently, I did just that with my client, Emily, while husband Nick was sitting beside her. When we listed all the qualities/behaviors she aspired for the perfect husband, I read them back to both... READ MORE
HOW DO WE GET INTIMACY BACK?
In a recent session with Alan and Patty (not real names), Alan asked me how do they begin to be intimate again. Married 23 years, empty nesters, and he travels every week; they have become roommates. Life got in the way and marriage took a back seat... READ MORE
“Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself,” is a phrase I use a lot in my practice with clients. But what exactly does that mean, and how do you do it when you’ve been truly hurt by someone? Since it seems to have been a theme in my practice the last couple of weeks, I thought this would be a good topic to begin my blog. Let me give you an example of how I addressed this topic with a client this week... READ MORE